


Say It To Me Again

by MessusMinnow



Series: WolfStar love [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Marauders - Fandom
Genre: Boys Love - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Pining, The Marauders - Freeform, sirius pining, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessusMinnow/pseuds/MessusMinnow
Summary: Sirius is in love with Remus, but he doesn't want to ruin their friendship. He just wants to be whatever Remus needs, even if it means only being friends. But Remus may need more than just friendship. I am going to add a collection of works where the characters are going off of this, but not an actual chaptered fan fic.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: WolfStar love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718506
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	Say It To Me Again

**Author's Note:**

> Listen guys, this is literally just fluffy and feelsy. There really isn't any smut. I'll write plenty of wolfstar smut over time, but I was just feeling like warm and fuzzies while writing this. So here you go.

Sirius slumped out of his final class of the day, he hated History of Magic, it was incredibly boring, especially when he had to actually pay attention. Usually Remus let him borrow his notes anyways so he could get away with not paying much attention either way, but it was Remus’s time of the month so he hadn’t been in class. He finally reached Gryffindor Tower and slumped into the other half of the armchair that James was taking up.  
“You heading to give Moony his notes?” James asked flipping the page of Fantastic Beasts he was on. He paused and wrote something out on parchment. “If you are, his transfiguration assignment is in my bag.”  
“Yeah, just going now.” Sirius sat back up grabbing the assignment from his best friend and scrambling together all of his notes from History of Magic. He raced up to his dormitory, grabbing a stash of chocolate he always saved for Remus during this time.  
The walk to the hospital wing gave Sirius time to think, they had been up all night with Rem running through the forest along with him. It was only their second time spending the full moon with Remus, and it had been harder to watch then he had expected. Running around with him all night had been loads of fun, Sirius couldn’t deny that. But afterwards, Remus lying naked and cold on the ground of the shrieking shack had been hard to see. Sirius knew that he was fine, that he would be okay, that Madame Pomfrey would come for him and mend his wounds, but it still killed Sirius that he couldn’t do anything for him.  
He opened the door to the hospital wing; Madame Pomfrey was sitting at her small desk. She gave Sirius a warm smile before motioning to the farthest corner of the wing, the curtains closed off. He walked over, seeing the outline of the boy looking out the large window through the curtain.  
“Hey mate,” Sirius said before popping his head through the curtain. “You decent?”  
The tall blonde said nothing, just continued looking out the window towards the forest beyond. He had a small bandage running across his cheek from the new cut that had found its way to him last night.  
“Brought your homework,” Sirius sat the pile of work down on the nightstand along with the notes he took. “History of Magic was wicked boring without you, Mate.”  
Remus scoffed, still not meeting Sirius’s gaze. “It’s wicked boring with me.” He added.  
“True, but less so.” Sirius pulled the chocolate out of his robes. “Brought you this as well.” He pushed the chocolate towards Remus’s folded hands.  
Remus glanced down. Sirius watched him bite at his lip. “Is… everyone is okay, right?”  
“Yeah, Rem… of course. The potion works. Don’t worry about us.”  
Remus continued biting at his lip. It killed Sirius to see him so upset. “Rem…” he reached out for him, hesitating before finally resigning to place a hand on Remus’s knee.  
Remus finally met his eyes then, they were so sad, so filled with guilt and pain.  
Sirius could feel a knot form in his throat, he wanted to take his friends guilt away, he wanted to take it all away, but he didn’t know how. He wanted to show Remus that he was always there, that he would always be there. He wanted to tell Remus that he loved him, every single piece of him, but he knew that would just make matters worse. He couldn’t add to all of the shit Remus had to deal with by throwing in his own feelings.  
“We had a blast with you last night, mate. So don’t think anything else.” Sirius finally said, his hand still grasping at Remus.  
“Thanks, Sirius.” Remus whispered. He finally grabbed the chocolate and broke a piece off.  
“Mooney!” they heard from outside the curtain. The messy black haired boy with glasses followed by the smaller plump blonde that they considered their other two best friends appeared. “You bastard! How are you feeling?”  
Remus gave them his best smile, which was still pretty weak in Sirius’s opinion, but it seemed to suffice because soon they were all laughing and breaking into the snacks they had brought up. James had once again turned the conversation onto Lilly Evans, the girl he was sure he would marry one day.  
“You’re mental if you think Lilly Evans is going to go for you.” Remus added in shoving his hand into a bag of licorice snaps.  
They all laughed for a long while before Madame Pomfrey finally walked over, giving them the look that meant they needed to clear out. They gathered up their belongings and began to disperse, but a hand had wrapped around Sirius’s wrist. He turned back to see Remus holding onto him, his eyes looking like a lost puppy. Sirius could feel the knot in his throat again.  
“Whaddya say, Madame Pomfrey, can I stay a bit longer?” he looked up to the woman still standing over them,  
She sighed. “A bit longer, Mister Black. But Mister Lupin needs his rest.” She gave a quick smile and walked away.  
Remus hesitated for a long moment and moved over, looking down at the spot next to him now free. Sirius sat down next to him, shrugging his shoulders up and down to nudge Remus.  
“Hand me that book, will you?” Remus motioned for the book on his side table.  
Sirius obliged, “Don’t tell me we’re doing homework?”  
“I need to catch up.” Remus opened the heavy book and placed it in his lap. They sat in silence like that for a long time, their sides touching as Remus read and Sirius just sat there, taking in the smell of the boy sitting next to him. 

It was late, and they had been up for hours studying for their OWLS, Sirius didn’t even know if he was retaining anything at this point. He heard a little shift from the couch above him, where Remus was sprawled out on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, a book below him.  
Sirius let his eyes linger over Remus’s body, he was tall and pretty skinny, but Sirius had the perfect view of his toned back through his shirt. Sirius followed the line of his spine up to his dark blonde hair that fell down casting shadows on his face in the firelight as his eyes scanned over the page he was reading. Sirius watched him bite at the end of his index finger, a nervous habit that Sirius could never take his eyes off.  
“Sirius… you’re staring.” Remus’s voice broke him from the trance that Sirius had fallen into.  
“What? Oh… just spacing out.” Sirius tried his hardest to will his cheeks not to go red.  
Remus sat up and stretched out, his arms reaching high above him, pulling his shirt up along with it. Sirius tried his hardest not to look, but it would be such a waste not to. He let his eyes wander down to the exposed skin, before looking back up to Remus, who whipped his head away quickly.  
He’d been caught, and he knew he should be way more embarrassed than he was, but it was so late and he was feeling particularly delirious. So he just cleared his throat and went back to his potions book. Remus squatted down behind him, reading the page he had been on for the better part of an hour.  
“What are you studying?” Remus asked, his breath tickling at Sirius’s neck.  
“Uh… Umm… potions. Not ready for my OWL.” Sirius got out, trying to control his breathing.  
“Want my help?” Remus asked, completely unaware of the affect he was having on Sirius.  
Sirius could feel his eyes flutter closed, he cleared his throat, focusing on anything but his heart racing underneath his skin. “U-umm. I’m actually pretty tired now. Want to do another night?”  
Remus stood up then, and Sirius was a mix of relieved and disappointed at their lack of closeness. “Yeah good idea, we should head up to bed.” He let out a long yawn, stretching upwards again. “I’m beat.”  
Sirius nodded gathering up his books and parchment, trying his hardest to calm himself down because it wasn’t fair to Remus. Remus was one of his best friends, and they had gotten even closer it seemed this last year. He had really gotten to understand Remus even more. Remus trusted him, he trusted him to make him laugh when he was feeling down, and he trusted him to stay up late with him so that he could have company. Remus trusted him to be his friend, and nothing else. He followed the blonde haired boy up to their shared dormitory and tried his hardest to sleep for a few hours before the night ended and they had to go back to lessons. 

It was the week of the full moon, the last one of the school year. Remus always got dark during this time; he would hide away in random parts of the castle, not really wanting anyone around him. Most of the time, the marauders would try their best to give him some space, while also doing their best to let him know that they were there for him. That they would be there with him the night of the full moon and they would be there with him when he woke up.  
But that didn’t feel like enough to Sirius this time. He kept getting this gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach that there was something different about this time. He had been searching throughout the castle, trying all of the usual places that Remus liked to spend his time. He finally found him in the farthest point of the library amongst piles of books. He was twirling his hair around a finger with Hogwarts: A History on his lap. He looked up at the sound of Sirius’s shoes on the floor, his eyes rimmed with red.  
“Hey,” Remus wiped at his eyes again, trying to wipe away the evidence of his breakdown. “What are you doing here?”  
Sirius shrugged sliding down next to Remus on the ground. “Just wanted to check in.” They were both silent, the heavy book sliding down from Remus’s lap and onto the ground with a soft thud.  
“How’d you find me?” Remus asked quietly.  
“You’re pretty predictable, Moony.” Sirius nudged him with his elbow.  
Remus huffed a weak laugh out through his nose.  
“You okay, mate?” Sirius asked, lowering his voice.  
Remus took a shaky breath in. “I feel…” he paused, trying to formulate his thoughts. “I feel like this is it. You all have been so good to me this year… you know… becoming animagi. But now you’ll all go home, and come to your senses… and realize that it is completely mental to be friends with a monster, let alone run around with him on full moons… and then they’ll have to lock me in the shrieking shack again and I’ll be alone.” he clenched and unclenched his jaw, trying to control the tears that were once again brimming his eyes. “And even if that doesn’t happen… even if we all come together again next year and you haven’t come to your senses… I feel like it’ll only be so long before something happens. Before I hurt one of you… or worse. And I wouldn’t blame you all for leaving me, I’ll never blame you all for leaving me, because…” he choked on the tears that were starting to spill out of his eyes. “Because it’s what I deserve. B-but I don’t know what I’ll do when that eventually happens because I don’t know how to go through my life alone anymore.”  
Sirius couldn’t take it any longer. He moved so he was kneeling in front of Remus, his hands reaching out to cup both sides of his face, tears catching at his thumbs as he wiped them away. “Remus…” Sirius whispered to him. “That won’t happen… okay. That’s never going to happen. I love you-“ he inhaled sharply at his sudden confession. “W-we… we love you. You’re our best friend. We’ll never leave you.” Remus scoffed and tried to move his face out of Sirius’s grasp, but Sirius just held his face up pulling it closer to him. “Listen to me, Rem. Really listen.” He waited until Remus met his own eyes. “You. Are not. A monster.”  
Sirius watched Remus fight with his demons inside of him, never taking his eyes off of Sirius. “You…” he bit at his lips and seemed to change his mind. “Thanks Sirius… it means a lot that you’re here with me. More than you know.”  
Sirius knew that he should give Remus his space, he shouldn’t hover over him. He shouldn’t junk Remus up even more with his feelings, but he couldn’t help himself. He wrapped his arms around Remus and pulled him in close. He thought Remus would shy away from him, but instead the blonde haired boy returned the embrace, nuzzling into the crook of Sirius’s neck. Sirius did the same, because even though he knew that it wasn’t smart, he loved the smell of Remus, he always smelled like books and cinnamon.  
“Rem…” Sirius whispered out before he could stop himself. Remus sighed deep into Sirius’s shoulder squeezing Sirius a little tighter. Sirius let his hand wander up to the back of Remus’s neck and let his fingers slide into his hair. He knew that he shouldn’t… he knew that this wasn’t what Remus needed right now, he needed a friend, but having him so close like this… having the weight of Remus against him. He carded his fingers through Remus’s soft blonde hair, trying his best to tell himself he was just comforting his friends and he tried his hardest to ignore the warmth that was growing in the pit of his stomach.  
Remus sighed again against Sirius’s neck, letting himself be fully taken in by Sirius. He let his arms go slack, but didn’t make any motion towards removing himself from Sirius. So Sirius continued, he ran his hand that wasn’t tangled in Remus’s hair up and down his back, listening to the sound of the blonde haired boy breathing against him.  
Finally Remus moved raising himself back up to a normal sitting position. They met eyes again, and it took more will power than Sirius cared to mention to stop him from pulling the other boy back into him. Remus kept his gaze, his brown eyes meeting Sirius’s grey eyes.  
Remus bit at his lip for a moment, never taking his eyes off of Sirius. “Can you say it again?” he asked.  
Sirius stared at him for a moment before understanding what he meant. Sirius smiled and grabbed both sides of Remus’s face in his hands again. He knew that he didn’t need to, but he did anyways. He held the young man’s gaze still. “Remus John Lupin, you are not a monster.”  
Remus took one last deep breath in, placing his hands on top of Sirius’s, never dropping his gaze. The evening sun bathing them in golden light, catching the flecks of gold in Remus’s eyes.  
“Sirius?” Remus’s voice brought him out of the golden orbs that Sirius had been staring at.  
“Uh… yeah?” Sirius asked.  
“You can let go of my face now.” The corners of Remus’s mouth were crinkled upwards in a familiar smirk.  
“What if I don’t want to?” Sirius said, falling easily into banter with his friend.  
“Well, then I guess we’ll just stay like this, and miss dinner. And starve to death.” Remus had left his hands as they were as well, over top of Sirius’s own, giving them a pat.  
“Might be worth it, you know?” Sirius smiled back, still holding the blonde’s gaze. Eliciting a bubbling laugh from Remus, Merlin’s Beard, Sirius loved his laugh.  
“Come on, Sirius.” Remus said intertwining his fingers with Sirius’s and pulling them both up. “Help me get these books away.” He dropped Sirius’s hands then, grabbing a handful of books.  
Sirius wished so badly that they could have just stayed like that, dinner be damned. And he wished so badly that it meant to Remus what it did to Sirius to feel his fingers intertwined with his own. 

The full moon was coming to an end, and the Marauders had started leading Remus back towards the shrieking shack. He crawled in slowly, whimpering as his body began the change back to human. And as he curled up, naked on the dirty floor of the shack they all changed back as well.  
“Come on, let’s go get Madame Pomfrey, she’ll be waiting now.” James said clapping Sirius on the shoulder. He and Peter started leaving. “Sirius… come on, mate.”  
“I’ll be there in a minute.” Sirius said walking over towards Remus. He heard James let out a knowing snicker. “Fuck off, Prongs.” He elbowed at James as he and Peter walked out.  
Sirius grabbed the blanket off the piano and draped it over Remus. He was still shaking, after the change was always jarring for him. “Rem,” he whispered putting his hand on Remus’s shoulder.  
Remus jolted a little before taking a slow, laborious breath in, finally lifting his head just enough to catch Sirius’s eyes. “What are you still doing here, Sirius? I don’t want you seeing me like this…”  
“Remus, come on… you know I don’t care. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’ll be on my way now. Madame Pomfrey should be here soon.” Sirius stood up throwing Remus’s clothes next to him.  
He pulled his own jacket on and made to leave. “Sirius wait.”  
He paused and turned around just as Remus was sliding his pants up. Sirius focused hard on the floor below him.  
“Everyone’s okay, yeah?” Remus asked, his shirt sliding down over his pale skin.  
“Yeah, of course, Rem.” Sirius said.  
Remus bit at his lip, balling the ends of his shirt in his fists. “Can… can you…” he looked down at the floor then back up to Sirius who waited for whatever Remus would request. “Will you say it to me again?”  
Sirius smiled and closed the small distance between them, grabbing both of Remus’s arms. “You are not a monster, Rem.”  
Remus looked down at the floor. “I am though. You get that I am, right?”  
Sirius took a long moment. “I… get that you turn into a werewolf once a month. And I get that you could be dangerous, once a month. But that doesn’t mean that you are a monster, Remus.”  
Remus met his eyes, he looked worn down and tired, but his eyes were still soft. He grabbed onto Sirius then, which surprised Sirius enough to make him jump. He wrapped hands behind Sirius’s neck, tangling in his mess of hair.  
“Rem…” Sirius whispered. He didn’t know if he should stop this or not, he had been hoping for this to happen for the better part of two years, but Remus was always so vulnerable during cycles. He may regret it later.  
“Sirius…” he pressed his forehead into Sirius’s.  
Sirius shuddered as he brought his hands to Remus’s chest, rising and falling in sync with his own.  
“Can I… please…” Sirius whispered out, no longer in control of himself it seemed.  
He heard Remus take a deep breath in before feeling him nod his head.  
He leaned in closer to the blonde. He could feel Remus’s nose brush his own before their lips pressed into each other, briefly at first. Both boys breathed in shakily before Sirius pulled Remus towards him again, pressing his lips to the other boys with more force, both of them leaning into it, Remus wrapping his arms more firmly around Sirius, pulling him even closer to him, if possible. Remus’s lip were chapped and rough against his own, but there was nothing more perfect in all the world, Sirius was sure of it.  
They heard a small throat clear behind them, which promptly ended their kiss as Remus hid his head in Sirius’s neck.  
“Mr. Black,” Sirius flinched at his name and turned to see Madame Pomfrey standing at the doorway. Behind her James and Peter were both covering their mouths trying to stifle their laughter. He wasn’t sure it was safe to be as embarrassed as he was in that moment, he was sure his head would explode at all of the blood that had immediately rushed to it. “While I’m sure you’ve done a fine job at curing Mr. Lupin’s mood, I think it best I take him to the hospital wing now, if you don’t mind.”  
“Yes, of course, Madame Pomfrey. Right away… I’ll just be…” Sirius tried getting out, but there was far too much blood rushing to his cheeks for him to form any sort of coherent sentence. He turned to Remus who was equally as red, but he smiled at Sirius before finally relinquishing his hold on him. He peeled himself away and locked eyes with the dusty floor as Madame Pomfrey breezed past him to Remus. He could hear the snickers of his best friends as they followed him down the stairs and out of the shrieking shack.  
“Piss off, both of you!” Sirius yelled shoving James who burst into a fit of laughter, having to lean against Peter for support, which didn’t prove helpful, as Peter was also laughing and the added weight caused him to topple over, both of them now splayed out on the grass, still laughing.  
“Oi!” Sirius yelled. “Are you two finished yet?” Sirius rolled his eyes and started walking away. However soon enough there was an arm around his shoulder, he looked to James who had a massive grin on his face.  
“Took you long enough, mate.” James said. “We had a bet going, Peter lost, by the way.”  
“Damn.” Peter said realizing that he now owed James a bottle of fire whiskey.  
“Yeah, he thought you would never do it, that you’d keep on pining for Rem until at least Year 7. But I had faith in you, you old bastard. I thought you’d finally man up and kiss him before year’s end. And look who was right.”  
“You… you knew? You knew all this time, the both of you?” Sirius felt the heat rush back to his face.  
“Of course we knew, pads” Peter added. “You’re about as subtle as James is pining over Lilly.”  
“That’s true; I’m not subtle at all.” James smiled at the thought of the red headed girl he was sure would be his one day.  
“I hate you both.” Sirius said, but he was smiling. He couldn’t help it. 

Sirius waited patiently after classes were finished the next day. They weren’t allowed to be in the hospital wing that first day, Madame Pomfrey’s orders. She wanted Remus to get as much rest as possible and it was hard to do with three teen boys to disturb him, but right as History of Magic got out he practically raced towards the hospital wing, getting scolded more than once for running. He caught his breath before pulling the heavy door open.  
Madame Pomfrey was tending a first years burns from a failed potion, she looked up at Sirius before motioning her head towards the back, where in the farthest corner of the hospital wing the curtains were pulled closed. Sirius walked back there, feeling nervous for some reason. They had kissed, and it had been absolute perfection, in Sirius’s opinion anyways. But maybe Remus didn’t want it to go any further than that. Maybe this was all too much for him; Sirius did sort of catch him at a vulnerable time after all. Maybe he was going to say that he didn’t feel the same way and that they were better off friends. Sirius tried to mentally prepare for that possibility, tried to imagine that he would be okay being just friend with Remus. He could… of course he could. It would hurt him, but he could do it if that was what Remus needed.  
He put his best nonchalant face on before popping his head through the curtains. “Hey mate, alright?” He cursed himself for that idiotic sentence that had just come out of his mouth. His attempt at nonchalant just came off like he was trying to pretend nothing had happened at all.  
Remus was lying down, his head facing the window. He turned towards Sirius, clearly equally as confused by Sirius’s choice of greeting. “Hey mate.” He mimicked.  
Sirius could feel the heat rushing to his face as he stepped into the closed off curtains. “Right… sorry. I er… I was trying to go for nonchalant, but it just sort of went to shit.” Sirius ran a hand through his wild black curls.  
Remus let out a soft laugh before letting his head fall back to the pillow.  
“You’re alright though, right?” Sirius said leaning against the edge of the bed.  
“Yeah… I’m alright. Just drained.” Remus said eyeing Sirius.  
“Good, well… I have some notes for you from classes; I know you’ll want to keep up your studies, what with end of year exams coming up and all…” Sirius wished he could just shut up instead of babbling on and on, but he was just so nervous.  
“Sirius,” Remus said finally putting an end to Sirius’s incessant chatter. Sirius looked to him; Remus sat up wincing at the strain and patted the spot next to him. “Come here you idiot.”  
Sirius took a quick breath before moving to sit down next to Remus. He wrung his hands in the deep sleeves of his robes. Remus kept his eyes on Sirius, seemingly waiting for him to say something.  
“Listen Rem, I understand if you aren’t ready for anything between us. Or if you don’t want anything besides friendship from me, I don’t want you to—“ He was being cut off by Remus’s laughter.  
“Merlin’s beard, Sirius, take a breath.” Remus reached over catching a fly away curl and tucking it behind Sirius’s ear, before letting his fingers trace down Sirius’s jaw line. The sensation sending Sirius’s heart racing as his eyes closed and he took a shaky breath in, leaning in to the touch. “I’ve been waiting for you to kiss me for ages now.”  
Sirius’s head shot up to the blonde boys eyes. “You knew that I…” he was cut off again by Remus’s laughter as he leaned back in his bed. “So did everyone know then? And you wanted me to… why didn’t you just kiss me then?”  
Remus’s laughter stopped and he looked down at this own hands. He took a long time to speak, and Sirius already knew what he was going to say. “Because you could do so much better…” he whispered out. “You deserve so much better than me. You deserve more than…”  
Sirius bit his lip before grabbing Remus and wrapping him up in his arms. “That’s not true, Rem. You are incredible. You’re smart, and kind, and absolutely perfect for me.”  
Remus took a shaky breath in, before wrapping his hands behind Sirius’s neck again, fingers tangled in his hair, resting his forehead against Sirius’s. “You’re an idiot, Sirius Black.”  
Sirius laughed, but leaned in closer and pressed his lips to Remus’s again. Breathing in the smell of him, he was perfect.


End file.
